“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is ALWAYS nonacceptance of what IS.”
“Forgiveness is to relinquish your grievance and to let go of grief. Forgiveness is to offer NO resistance to life – to allow life to live through you. The moment you truly forgive you have RECLAIMED your power from the mind.” ——Eckhart Tolle.
Here lately I have been doing my best to work through everything that’s happened to me in the past year and in the process just accept life on its own terms as what it IS. And let me tell you something, that’s a very difficult thing to do. Because every time your think you have got the issue under control, another unknown problem or situation becomes known and that newly discovered issue all too often turns into gasoline that is being poured over the dying embers of whatever it was you were dealing with! In my personal situation I find that I am good at controlling what I say because of the situation that I am in – confined on Texas death row and expressing the wrong thing can bring about a lot of drama you don’t need. My difficulty comes with my “silent voice” inside my head. For me it’s the ranting and raving joker [pride/ego] who is always trying to hijack my being and make things worse. This is the voice that is quick to complain about everything that is not right in my life and in general makes life hell for me and is always a constant battle to overcome. Here recently I have learned new coping skills on how to sit and attend to my pain and just let things be thereby accepting what IS. But again, let me say that this is a very difficult thing to do. Because it is so easy to slip into the role of a spoiled little brat and begin to throw a temper tantrum because life will not devote itself to making you happy. It’s easy to let your guard down
and while you are not paying attention let that crazy ranting and raving joker [ego] sneak up on you and take control and before you know it you are judging others and complaining about situation surroundings even the weather! One absolute truth in life that I have learned is that we’ve all been put on this earth to become enlightened spiritual beings. And above all things I want to learn to live life on its terms and
accept what IS and refrain from any type of nonacceptance in my life. It has been my experience in life in general that the main obstacle to achieving this enlightened mindset is pride/ego. And the way that pride/ego/mind/ranting-and-raving—joker voice works is that it attaches onto some slight, disrespect, betrayal or transgression and uses this as it’s fuel turning us into a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments, grievances and complaints because we cannot have our way. It has been my personal experience that these types of situations usually involve another person. It could be someone I do not care for much at all on Texas death row, or it could be one of my closest and most loved friends who for whatever reason I start to feel this way towards. And the bottom line in all these situations is that it does not matter who is right or who is wrong, who threw the first stone or who is the victim. what matters is getting through the issue, accepting it for what it is and allowing life to flow through you as you do your best to evolve and mature and become a better person. Because that’s what true friends – confidants do for each other. As I continue this incredible journey called life I have found that one of the most powerful coping skills to use in these types of situations is forgiveness. Because as long as I am in a state of nonacceptance about my issue I allow ego/mind to be in control and no good can come from that situation. I speak from personal experience and understand that when ego is in control things always get worse. As long as ego is in control I have lost my True Self in the Bermuda triangle that is my mind where pride reigns. And I stumble through that black fog in vain trying to find the light. But forgiveness acts as cool waters that I pour upon the fires that pride/ego/mind is. Because as long as I hold onto the grievance that powers this negative aspect of myself I cannot move forward and past the issue. Life has taught me that forgiveness is all too often something we have to give one hundred and one times before we truly forgive and it’s that last time we forgive that matters because it sticks. The benefit from this act is that when we at last are able to let go, we ourselves from the hold pride has on us and are able to move forward reclaiming the power that belongs to our True Self from ego/mind. As I sit in my solitary confinement cell on Texas death row and write this I smile because it’s so “easy” to identify and express the solution to my problem. It’s very difficult to actually achieve in our real day to day life. The perfect example of this I is me going through my day having a good morning doing what I need to do then hearing a song on the radio which makes me think of a person which leads me to think of another person that reminds me of that situation and just when I though I have gotten past it – there it is again! All of which happens in the blink of an eye. But that’s just the way life is and what I have to work with and what sustains me is that I know that one day these problems will be distant memories and I will be able to look back and ask myself, why was that such a big deal in my life? I give thanks for being able to continue my education in the University called Life because I am “always in process” and “never done.” There will always be growth, maturity and evolution as I work on myself. And I know if those who are close to me allow me to do that, then I am blessed. I understand that sometimes it’s difficult to prove in a safe space for each other but that’s what true friends do. Safe space does not always mean comfortable space and it is easy to confuse the two. If we able to give this accompaniment to one another especially in a time of great need we create a brave space where there is healing and support for all. And for me this is the foundation I need to stay balanced and will help me keep myself together. Because it is from this place that I can continue to focus on reaching the ultimate goal that will solve these problems – winning my freedom and beginning part II of my life!
LOVE PEACE HOPE!
Charles D. Flores